Hay everyone!
So for privacy purposes...I'm going to stick to 'Marilyn' here. For some, it's going to be pretty obvious about who I am! And others...will be reading my blogs...not knowing who is behind it all!
Basically I'd like to go right back to the start. For anyone remotely interested in reading about someone's life when it comes to heartbreaks, sexual experiences, job experiences, travelling, self-exploring and pretty much trying to figure it out...well I guess you should read on :)
Before I talk a little bit about myself NOW, I'd like to go back to when I was a teenager and take it from there. Compared to now, at 15 or 16, I was shyer and inexperienced than most. I was very wise, sensible, SORTA liked studying (?), wasn't THAT experienced when it came to boys and also didn't have a large group of friends. As a young adult, I was very curious! At 15, I was definitely a little confused. At 16, I was even more confused. I might as well say it now...I wanted to be sexual. I wanted to explore boys and go out more. But I was shy and didn't go out much and was afraid to be disliked. That all changed though when I started hanging around with my 'hippy group' of friends. I started dating a boy (not going to name anyone), which only lasted a month. I only really wanted to date him to see what it was like kissing a boy (a lot) and having a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I wasn't really attracted to him! So I broke his heart and started seeing his mate. His mate wasn't really my type either. I think I lasted a little longer with this one...maybe 3 months this time! But with this one, I experienced my first feisty dominant self within a relationship when he texted me 'playfully' calling me a slut. I wasn't having any of that, little miss feministic 16 year old was not having any of that. As I turned 16, I invited my friends to the cinema and then back to mine for beer and dancing out in the garden. He was invited of course but before the cinema, when I met him at the spire...I took him to one side, took the present that he had gotten for me off him and said 'thanks for the present! But you are uninvited to my party. If you wish to come, you can. But you'll be ignored :)'. And so I walked away, with his present in my hand and my friends accompanying me. Yea I know, I'm a little bitch.
So...this is where it gets much more romantic and nicer than before. So we had a big enough group at this stage...I was getting more confident and was attracting more boys. I was funny and didn't take myself seriously...But I must confess to something. While I was with boy no.2 (the one who called me slut), I found myself DEEPLY attracted to another boy! And while I was with boy no.2, I was actually texting this boy (I'm gonna call him boy no.3). And our conversations were hot and heavy and flirtatious and fun and really what I wanted more than anything was to get my hands on him. There was something attracting me to him...He wasn't exactly gorgeous to be honest. He wore glasses and dressed like a rocker would in 2008. But he played the guitar...and a boy who played an instrument (to me) was super hot. So we texted and texted and I realised more and more that boy no.2 was actually pissing me off and I just didn't like him any more. SO...boy no.3 ends up coming to the cinema and back to mine for drinks for my 16th birthday. Of course we were flirting and talking all night and looking at each other like *that* and up until then, I had never wanted someone more than I wanted him. We could finally be together (and all that shit). But we were both very shy that night and didn't end up kissing. Parties for me back then lasted until 00:30 or 1am so they were all kicked out around that time and the party was over. A few nights later...me, him, my gay mate and his friend are hanging out in my gay mates house. We're watching something on the TV and me and boy no.3 are edging closer and closer together on the couch. I wasn't concentrating on what was on the TV at all...and my gay mate totally knew what was going on between us. He took me aside and asked if we wanted to be alone and I felt rude so I said of course not! I paid more attention to my other mates then but couldn't ignore the throbbing sensation down below, because let's face it...I wanted him there and then but had to control myself. Eventually after some socialising and TV watching, me and boy no.3 leave and make it to the corner of where my gay mate lived before he wrapped his arms around me, pulled me in and started kissing me. And we kissed for AGES...no gaps or breaths taken. It was passionate, it was sexy, I could feel how turned on he was getting and by then I was just soaking and 'gaggin for it' myself. We didn't do anything more than that and we actually didn't see each other for a week as he was off on holliers the next day. When he came back...we couldn't keep our hands off each other. When at his house, we would eat and watch TV, kiss on his couch, hire up the volume on the TV when we were being naughty but still being aware that it was his sitting room and someone could walk in at any minute. I remember unzipping his jeans while kissing him and taking him in my hand and rubbing him fast and then slow and then fast again until I thought he was going to explode. He would do the same to me and I would moan silently. But then before anything more happened...we heard someone outside and so we reset everything, acting normal and innocent in front of his mam who was now standing in front of us. Assuming that his mam wasn't a thick, we were pretty sure she knew the suss and not long after that, she sent me home. We texted all that night and pretty much saw each other A LOT in the next few months. Never got to the point of having sex with him, as he broke up with me 6 months later and I experienced my first proper heartbreak. I was sad for days, cried for days and just wasn't OK with it all. I then experienced anger and hate towards him and realised what a fucking idiot I was! And at this point, boy no.1, 2 AND 3 are no longer talking to me nor are they my friends. And with all of this, I lose a few girlfriends in the process of it all and then a few more friends on top of that!
So, I sit the Leaving Cert, get LC results, head out for dinner and then back to mine with a few friends. And amongst them is boy no.4, who I don't really like and end up breaking up with him not even a month later. This boy takes it quite bad as well...so bad that he stands outside my house on some occasions in the middle of the night...just...looking at the house with a very upset look on his face :/ Um, OK.
I'm pretty much over boy no.3 at this stage and starting my first day at DCU, aged 17 and entering a course that I'm not overly excited about. And that whole shebang will be continued in my second blog entry!
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of my first blog :) I will have a range of things to talk about but this is just the beginning. I've about 8 more years more to cover :P
Ciao for now <3
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